A fun article in salon about bears, from the perspective of a bear escort – I had fun reading it. made me think – you know, I’ve never had a ginger bear. Now I have something to put on my “to do – and do hard” list…
That’s right: I’m 47 years old, I’m a good 30 pounds overweight, and I make my living by taking care of men who come to Las Vegas hoping for some skin time with other men — for a fee. And in case you’re ready to dismiss me as someone clinging onto the last shreds of his faded beauty, you should know that I was well into my 40s before I started hooking.
If you find it hard to believe that anyone would pay the likes of me for sex, you’re not alone. I get lots of hate e-mail telling me how pathetic it is for a “fat old queen” like me to be charging for his company. About half of it comes from skinny smooth-skinned rent boys who were never going to be my competition, and the rest is from 40-something men with bodies similar to mine, probably mad because they don’t have the balls to hang out a shingle for themselves. And almost all of them include a variation of same question: “There are actually guys who pay you?!”
Allow me to let you in on one of the dirty little secrets of human sexuality: Hardly anyone (except for the very stupid and very lazy) has ever accepted the ideals of beauty and/or desirability as set forth by their respective cultures’ Fashionable Intelligence. And for every type of attraction, there is a market to be tapped.
In gay culture I am what is known as a “bear”: bigger, hairier men who favor some kind of facial hair and tend to embody a jeans-and-shirt version of masculinity. Of course there are also metrosexual bears who groom their eyebrows and wear black tie to the opera. Some of us are stocky but in generally good shape; others are what the American Medical Association considers morbidly obese. There are leather bears, muscle bears and polar bears (men whose beards or body hair are white). I myself have been called a “ginger bear” (a British expression, from their term for redheads) and, when I had shoulder-length hair, a “lion.”
Because there are other woodland creatures to be found among the “bear community.” (I strongly resist the ideas “of “community” among gays in general and bears specifically, but for the sake of expediency let’s just roll with it.) Probably the most interesting sub-category of bear is that of “cub,” because it has so many variations. For some, the term cub designates someone younger, who may or may not want to be mentored in the way of the bear; for others, it’s more about relative stature or lack thereof, regardless of the guy’s age; and for still others, it simply indicates a strong identification with the bear “culture” without such physical trappings as a furry chest.
Tall skinny guys with lots of body hair are “otters”; average-size men who are relatively hairy and, often, exceptionally horny consider themselves “wolves.” In the old days, before we got all politically correct about everything, guys who were attracted to bigger men were called “chubby chasers,” but no more. Nowadays, men who don’t fit into any of the above categories who enjoy ursine company are called, simply, “admirers.”
And that’s just the Anglos. Many Asian bears like to be called “pandas,” regardless of where their ancestors were born, though just as many find the term offensive. Smooth-skinned Latinos with short, compact physiques are often referred to as “toros” (or bulls), which also suggests a testicular prowess. The bear scenes in Spain and Italy are so popular that I’m sure they have their own lists of sub-categories. It’s like how the Inuits have a million words for snow.
So, yes: I’m a Las Vegas call bear. But don’t be fooled into assuming that all my clients come from the world of the bears. Far from it. The men who hire me run the gamut from 18-year-olds who want their first male-male experience to be with a man who knows what he’s doing to men in their 80s who just want to be held by a lumberjack type for an hour. They might be fat, they might be average, or they might have bodies so perfectly sculpted they should be underwear models.
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